Re-attunement. It's the emotional reconnection with your child after you've disciplined. This is really important in our family because our daughter can easily get mixed up between bad behavior and bad girl. She needs me to pull her close emotionally and remind her that she's never a bad girl, that I'll always love her no matter what she's done.
Re-attunement is not an optional thing; it must happen at the end of the discipline cycle. It helps keep kids from spiraling into shame and emotional disconnect.
....Debbie Carr-Taylor, adoptive mom
A wonderful word to remember, because we often forget to do this, is praise! We must never forget to praise our children. Sometimes a well-timed word of praise and encouragement can head off bad behavior before it even begins. Our kids covet our praise for hard-earned accomplishments, for behavior that is pleasing and appropriate, and for behavior that was not as bad as it could have been. No matter which tool we use from our adoption-parenting toolbox, our children who were adopted need our loving discipline. We must convey that nothing the child does will ever push us away, and that we love them enough to correct their behavior when it is wrong, with no strings attached. And even if they fail, they need to know our love stands strong.
....By Deborah Moore, adoptive mom of two daughters from China. Based on the work of Doris Landry, MS, LLP
The materials for this course have been reprinted with permission from the book Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox Building Connections, edited by Jean MacLeod and Sheena Macrae Copyright © 2006 EMK Press, all rights reserved. The complete 520 page book covering all aspects of becoming and being an adoptive family is available at Amazon.com.